There are things in life we know we could do, should do. Things in life we’re lucky enough to get the opportunity to do.
Meditate. Stretch. Journal. Pray. Drink water. Eat cleaner. Ask for help. Work out. Phone a friend. Budget better.
Things that remain unmarked on our Miracle Morning checklists week after week, or go unacknowledged on our well-intentioned New Year's Resolutions year after year.
Things we never get around to, because we never really have to.
They are luxuries, and we are comfortable - patterned and wired for - what we know.
Until we are no longer.
Which is why sometimes, it takes the breaking of a routine - purposefully or not - to rediscover the simple ways life is willing to support you.
Recently, I surrendered a full-time position with a company I’ve been with for seven years. Now, I have more time than I know what to do with and more anxiety than I could have anticipated.
As I acclimate to this new entrepreneurial lifestyle and have to make big personal, professional, and financial choices in the near future, I’ve realized I have no more energy left to give in trying to control, predict, or plan this next stage of my life.
It feels completely futile. Exhausting. Laughable. Because life is always unpredictable, even when you’re the most reasonable, rational, and responsible one in the room.
And so I have realized - I have remembered - that no one required me to live my life unaided; deep intelligence and divine insight have always been buried inside my bones.
Yet prior to this time of transition, I didn’t need to listen to the messages from within. I didn’t need to start each day with a prayer or a gratitude practice. I didn’t need to slow down and breathe in crisp morning air, or wedge my toes into the muddy earth. I didn’t need to appeal to the wisdom of the wind, or the whispers of wise ancestors trying to penetrate my thick skull.
I had my coffee and knew my responsibilities. Did what it took to get the job done and rewarded myself with dopamine. Staved off most anxiety and panic attacks with various forms of household obligations (i.e., distractions), and nightly comforted myself by scrolling through the self-deprecating - “relatable” - content and humor purveyed by my peers on Instagram.
I’d created such predictability in my day, in my month, in my year, for my future, that I’d let go of possibility.
And I had no idea how soul shattering it had all become until I stepped out from under it.
Driving down the road to a meeting with a new potential client, I found myself saying a prayer aloud - asking for wisdom and clarity, thanking God and the Universe for the opportunity, calling on my guides and angels to inspire and bless the communication. I asked for a sign to know I was on the right track. The number 55 flashed across my mind, with the phrase “He will be wearing a purple shirt.” I shrugged it off, felt taken aback by the specificity.
But then the next vehicle I saw flashed by with a giant neon green #55 sticker placed prominently on its back windshield…and the man walked into Starbucks wearing a purple shirt.
And in that moment I was reminded that in this next stage of life I have a choice: I can choose to value the things I know I could do, should do, have the opportunity and luxury to do…things like meditating, connecting, praying, asking for help - things that bring sacredness and intention back to my daily habits so I can practice attuning my senses to the support all around
… or, I can let the shiny newness of the moment wear off and return to going it alone.
It wasn’t about the sign. It’s not about living the most spiritually woke lifestyle, either. It’s about acknowledging the infinite well of support and wisdom that resides within each of us - for every moment we are going through - and having the maturity and respect to honor it and know when to let it lead.