Have you ever heard of people talking about stream of consciousness writing? It’s a common warmup exercise in creative writing. Here’s an example of it, and the reason I’m sharing is because about halfway through, there’s an unplanned shift in tone. We move from top of mind clutter, to some sort of channel of introspection, reflection, and wisdom.
I believe that when we slow down long enough to do any form of expression - writing, speaking, singing, running, dancing, art, etc. - it’s an opportunity to connect with the wisdom we have in our soul. Wisdom that’s often just beneath the surface, ready and willing to jump in and communicate with us about all of life’s mysteries and mundanities, whether we realize they’re on our mind or not.
I started this journal entry stressing about work…then rambling on about my love for the mountains…ending with a discussion on the purpose of having individual “gifts” or talents in this lifetime. How did we get there? Idk. But because I took 8 minutes of my day to express what was in my head, I gave my internal guidance the space to kick in and share what was on its mind, too. And I’m still thinking about it 4 months later.
5/16/24
Another plane trip to Florida ~ this time for Jason’s paddle out. My head is so scattered right now. I have the space, but I’m jumbled. I want to use my energy to get work done, but I’m not feeling inspired. I’m feeling…rushed? Obligated? Like I’m bracing or preparing for a letdown. Maybe? I want to just relax into this trip, whatever it may hold. But I also feel the call to go to new places, too.
I’m feeling drawn back to the mountains - to really slow, unplanned genuine connection and reconnection to myself and nature. My lungs crave that crisp, sultry, piney air. My skin, the dew of early morning sunlight across glistening blades of grass and plants. My eyes, the wonder of creation. How truly illusory 99% of my day is! Connected to screens, living in the ideals or minds of others…over and over and over again. It’s all so stimulating. We forget to look up; we forget to live.
Anyway. The me I like best is the me who remembers this. It used to be so much about the “gifts” or the “mantle” or the “call upon my life” for others…to others. That somehow my identity was bestowed upon me without me ever having to truly seek and know. But lately, the “gifts” as they relate to others and others’ perception of me - how I use these gifts to “get” or feel accurately represented in the minds of others - is so much less important. The gifts, in their full expression, will do what they need to for others. But to know the gift for others is to first know the gift for thyself. So right now, the exploration of, fascination with, and expression of “my gifts” are for me. To delight my soul. To create harmony and flow in my own body by operating in my own design. To learn to love how I think and see and read and believe and express and create in a way that lights me up. That’s it. That’s the point, at least right now.
When I’m so focused on the ‘why I have the gift in the first place,’ or the ‘how’ of what I should do with it, all the thinking stops the experiencing of what’s within. And what if, what IF, the desires are there solely because God knows they bring my soul joy. And what if me being happy was reason enough to just let myself be as I am.